"He was telling me he doesn't think he'll get into heaven... I'm thinking, 'If you're not going to heaven, then I am screwed.'" (after talking to Nelson Mandela)
Charlize Theron
Charlize Theron
current VILLAGE IDIOT
Jessica Simpson
28 August 2010
Jessica from the block? Dim witted Jessica claims to have a "white girl booty" and would rather sit on her nipples, from what I can make out. Jessica told Closer magazine “I have a white girl booty. I don’t have a big butt. I’d rather have a happy medium and take some off my chest and put it towards my butt so I could balance out a bit.” Unless she's got some Hispanic heritage it's not called a booty, it's just called a fat ass.
current MONTHLY MORON
more BLONDE MOMENTS
24 August 2010
In sad news today - Parisite continues to infest our world. A knife wielding intruder was caught by police while trying to break into pay-per-view Paris' house. Honestly, the Ninja standards of today just aren't up to scratch.
Paris Hilton
21 August 2010 Idiot Status -
Hair today, gone tomorrow. Hairtech International Inc. is suing pseudo celeb Paris for $35 million because she was seen wearing another companies hair extensions in 2008 and missed a launch because she was in jail at the time. The company also claims Parisites partying has ruined their image and contradicts Hairtech’s marketing campaign. Let me get this straight, you gave porn star Paris your product believing somehow it would help your reputation? Did her claim to fame (aka - getting fucked on camera) not give any warning which direction the publicity would go?
Britney Spears
14 August 2010 Idiot Status -
Glee for Britney? In what can only be described as a rating bonanza, TV show Glee will feature an entire show focused on Brit Twit and her so called music with cameo appearances by Britney herself. However show boss Ryan Murphy went on to say "Britney, I think 100 per cent, is going to be on the episode. She is going to come and do a couple of scenes. We're handling Britney with sort of kid gloves." Now is the time for any Glee background dancers to make their claim to fame K-Fed style. All you need is low standards and a willingness to be covered in Frappuccino froth and dusted in Cheeto's dust.
Justin Timberlake
7 August 2010 Idiot Status -
Justin scared of his own
Paris Hilton
31 July 2010 Idiot Status -
Parasite ready to pop. The always delusional pay-per-view Paris has decided to release another collection of her muffled screams most likely for use in interrogating future terrorist's suspects caught in Iraq. Dim witted Paris somehow believes her music is similar to Kylie Minogue saying "I've been really inspired by her. I wanted my music to kind of emulate her." Pseudo celeb Paris went on to warn mankind saying "I've finished recording my record... The album's going to be out in a few months." Alright, everybody, mass suicide at my place in a few months, bring your own Kool-Aid mixture, we want to make this quick and pain free.
celebrity QUOTES
"The best thing I have is the knife from Fatal Attraction. I hung it in my kitchen. It's my way of saying, Don't mess with me."
Glenn Close
Glenn Close
"I could eat a shoe with hot sauce on it,"
Heather Locklear
Heather Locklear
"I've always had good penis karma. I used to say I had never seen a small one, but recently maybe I have."
Pamela Anderson
Pamela Anderson
More: Celebrity Quotes
dumb BLONDE JOKES
Q; What do you call a smart Blonde?
A: An indication of a bad hangover.
Q: Why don't Blondes eat bananas?
A: They can't find the zipper.
Male Secretary: "Feel free to use my dictaphone."
New Blonde Employee: "No thanks, I'll just use my finger like everyone else."
